Sachiko / Asaphira (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} asaphira_sachi) wrote,@ 2007-07-13 20:25:00 |
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| Current location: | home |
| Current mood: |  crying |
| Current music: | FictionJunction YUUKA - 光る砂漠 |
| Entry tags: | death, strawberry |
Tribute to Strawberry [long entry]
To Dearest Strawberry, whose nicknames are Big Fellow, Big Totoro [Chinese] due to her fur color, Silly Bunny, Ichigo, and more. Part of the family since April 2002 and departed from us today at 4:46PM July 13, 2007.
To some, a pet rabbit seems like a minor reason to cry over, but Strawberry meant more to me than any pets I've ever had. I chose her, and I always have talked about her with much pride. "One of a kind," my dad called her.
I remember the moment my sister came home with baby Kiwi in her hands, I also wanted one of my own; so Mom and I went back to Chinese school's principal office, because she was giving away baby rabbits. The den had 3 - one white, one black, one grey/black/brown; and the latter was Strawberry. I let her run around on the floor first, and immediately I knew I wanted to keep her. After both Strawberry and Kiwi settled into your box, she was the first one who jumped out of it. Their names were inspired by Capri-Sun.
And, I knew she -along with Kiwi- became part of our family as soon as our relatives saw them, if inspiring relatives to keep pet rabbits (my grandma, cousin, and especially my aunt) of their own wasn't significant enough. The moment our family got together, the topic of each other's rabbits always came up one way or another. It became something that laced us together.
The first summer Strawberry was with us, there was one hot night, I heard some noise at the stairs. When I looked out, there she was, only she was frightened and sprinted back downstairs. It was because she wanted water. During one of their very first bath days at our backyard, it was Kiwi's turn to bath, so we let her run on the grass. We were listening to music, and when Shimatani Hitomi's "Itsu no Hi ni ka" played, she didn't run until the music got louder, as if she was listening too. From then on, we labeled that song as her image song. *laughs*
The first time we brought them to a check-up at the vet clinic, Strawberry was so timid. Right after the doctor examined her, she suddenly ran to my dad, who lowered himself to her eye level, and rested on his shoulder for a while. That moment, we all knew she was able to recognize people. My dad was also the one who loved to feed her snacks the most. Strawberry was always a big eater. How else could she have gone up to 8-9 pounds? *giggles* We always compared her to a cat because of her weight, and also because of her love of chin/head scratching.
Around her 2nd or 3rd year with us, we spayed Strawberry. Even then, she had no behavior change, and she took in the antibiotics just fine. The only problem was the bonnet she had to wear because then she couldn't lower her head to her food. She still found a way though, using the bonnet as a bucket and scooped her pellets to her mouth. She was still the silly, energetic rabbit we knew, the one who loved to eat and paw (oh her little paws) on the cage vigorously for snacks (any kind) whenever she heard us shaking the snack boxes.
Whenever we let her run around outside in the backyard, she loved hiding inside the bamboos, in which we had to find different ways to get her out since she got more and more clever every time. I'm forever going to miss chasing her out... When she is running around indoor, we'd know her presence because her footsteps were a bit heavy. I remember how Strawberry used to trip when she attempted to climb the stairs, then she tend to tilt her head and ears when she heard noise downstairs. Little behaviors like those are most memorable.
During my first year of college, one of the things I looked forward most when I drove home was to see her again. Every time I looked forward to her perking up on her little box, or pawing for snacks or wanting someone to pet her. Her favorite petting spot was the nose area. Whenever I pecked her nose, she would freeze for a few seconds. Some of my passwords were inspired by Strawberry; when I go to Mitsuwa, how I know I was going the right direction was spotting that tall strawberry sign. We made jokes whenever we saw strawberry fruits.
---
She started behaving strangely around Wednesday night, and especially on Thursday this week. I noticed her lack of appetite when she didn't even start eatting the carrot I gave her. Her bowl still had pellets, and when my dad asked me if I had fed her in the morning, I said no. He didn't either, which meant the pellets were from Wednesday night. That was the worst symptom ever, because Strawberry loved to eat. We noticed she was laying down more frequently, and she didn't even paw for snacks. We fed her some, and she consumed them, but not in her regular fast speed. She was always the one who finished her food first.
We opened the cage for her to jump out, hoping she would show signs of energy that was Strawberry. Eventually she did, but she laid down right away. It was then I noticed that her breathing was abnormal. She rocked her head up and down as she breathed, when normally only her nose moved. Her head chocked up more, her mouth opened more. We watched, she wanted to get up to run, but eventually she would lay back down.
Yesterday night -the last night she was with us- we gave her a towel, hoping it might make her more comfortable.
Today in the morning, I hoped things improved, but it was just the opposite. Strawberry did not touch her water as well, and she didn't want snacks. We brought some to her mouth, and she chewed on them slowly, little bits -when she normally would have consumed one whole piece into her mouth-... she was on her litter box in the exact same position I saw her from last night.
I tried to make an appointment at our regular clinic, but the doctor that specializes on rabbits wasn't in... Therefore, I made an appointment to the vet clinic my aunt went to, at 4:30PM. We continuously monitored on her condition. When Strawberry finally moved from her position, she didn't walk properly. She slipped, as if her balance had gotten worse. She settled back on her litter box short after.
My dad wondered if it was a stroke... Then he said, "If that's the case, it would be better to put her to sleep, because we wouldn't want her to suffer... She can't even eat." My tears immediately fell from that point on as I continued to stare at Strawberry, petting her. She still had that silly face, long eye-lashes, only with eyes that seemed more tired than usual. Then I went up to my room to cry it out, but I knew I had to keep myself together for the check-up, think positive... I mean, she was still with us. I thought, "After the check-up, everything is gonna be alright. She would be energetic again and ask for food like always..."
At the clinic...
My dad came with me. Strawberry was extremely uneasy all the way. She continuously turned around, bob her head up, moving around... We told the assistant the symptoms, the assistant took her weight, and we settled her back to her carrier. She was 9 lb. As the assistant went to the back to call in the doctor...
Strawberry got an attack. She wasn't even able to turn any further, and she couldn't even get back up when she fell to her side. She was fidgeting violently. God, violently in pain.
The doctor quickly brought her to the back, tried to give her supply of oxygen and inject something into her... But she didn't make it. Her heart just stopped, they said. They said there was a tumor in her stomach that got large enough that it was impairing her diaphragm.
God. A tumor. How long did she have it? We didn't want her to suffer, yet... she did. And she showed no signs of it until a day and a half ago... until it was too late. She showed no severe symptoms whatever. No vomiting, no diarrhea, no blood, nothing. Was she trying to fight by acting normally?
I broke down the moment they announced, "She died." They laid her on the silver counter, her limbs and body were soft and no longer moving. Her eyes remained open as if she was fighting until her last breath. She laid there. No signs of life, because she was gone. Our Strawberry, gone...
Everyone at the clinic said "I'm sorry" to us. They charged us no fees. We left, thanking them, taking Strawberry's body back home with us...
---
I was tearing the whole trip back. Before burying Strawberry, I stayed in the garage, holding her stiff body that was wrapped in a towel against me, rocking and hugging her lifeless body, petting her fur, having my last moment with her. Dad went out to dig her grave, and Mom came out to offer me comfort. But all I did was cry harder. She loved the bamboo trees, so we found a box, laid her in it, and buried her right next to the bamboos. We marked her grave and sprinkled the surface with some of her favorite snacks...
The silence rung louder than anything in the house. I took a shower and cried until I fell asleep for a short while; but when I woke up, as I saw the empty cage, all the memories rushed back to me, and the cycle went all over again. My eyes are now beyond swollen. Today, I was supposed to go celebrate Grandmother's real birthday too...
God. I miss her, I miss her so much. I loved her with all my heart... We all loved her, our whole family. And although I knew one day she would leave us, I didn't think it would be so soon. Just like that... when she was still with us 6 hours ago. I miss her pawing at the cage for food. I miss her silly, happy face. I miss petting and scratching her to comfort. I miss seeing Kiwi chase her around.
At least... she is no longer suffering. If she had to be in that state for another few days, I'd rather it happened faster. But her last moment of struggle at the clinic will forever be imprinted in my mind.
Tomorrow... I have my WST exam, and I don't know what state of mind I'll be in. Life goes on, but for the rest of tonight, maybe even tomorrow... Just let me cry it all out. Strawberry, you'll forever be in all of our memories. Please rest in peace.
